Update and rant from your favourite random blogger

5 05 2011

hi guys,

Sorry its been a while since my last blog, i have been quite busy with other things, but i want to continue blogging so here i am again, i am going to try to update at least once a month, more if possible.

I guess i should start by letting you know how my presentation went in Amsterdam. i have to say i was terrified, i was only the 3rd speaker on the 1st day and the room i was in was busting at the seams, all preperations in place i stood up in front of all these professional people from around the world, voice and body shaking and seriously feeling like i was about to burst into tears a began my presentation. Though i felt like i was shaking uncontrollably and my voice sounded shaky i managed to get through the 20 minutes without breaking down completely, fortunately no-one asked any questions during or at the end and i could relax. When the room emptied my friends priased me but confirmed that i did indeed look like i might cry at the very beginning of my presentation but apparently i composed myself very quickly and came across very well. So that was the actual presentation over but i was still shaking, i guess i still needed to get some feedback from those who had seen my presentation but were not connected to me so had no vested interest in being nice – if you know what i mean. Following my presentation it was lunch break, so i went to meet up with my colleagues and network. i looked around the room at a sea of highly proffessional people who have years of experience, got a coffee and a sandwich and just watched people talking, i admit i felt rather intimidated and small so i just smiled at people whose faces i recognised but did not know and waited patiently for an opening to speak to some-one. Then it happened, someone wanted to talk to me, someone i hold in high regard wanted to know about my research, but even more exciting he wanted to use my research in his work (and over seas), i couldn’t possibly have been paid a better compliment, we talked for a while and i handed him my business card to get in touch, i was over-whelmed to say the least. next i was approached by another PhD student who was interested in my research and asked for my card, then i was complimented by numerous others who had attended my presentation, SUCCESS, i could relax, i wasn’t going to be torn to pieces, or critisized, people who said they had intended to asked questions found that i had answered them within my presentation, all the stress i had been carrying round started to leave me and now i was just plain exhausted. The rest of the day i attended other presentations, and helped out with the organisation, then that evening me and some of the other girls went into the centre and experienced the real Amsterdam, which i thoroughly enjoyed.

After Amsterdam i was psychologically and physically exhausted i practically slept for 3 days, i couldn’t motivate myself to get back into my routine of uni work and let it slide rather a lot, luckily i had signed up to do the workshop for just this occassion ‘avoiding defeatism & self sabotage’ it did the job and my enthusiasm returned, unfortunately the following week was full of emergency situations that diverted me away from my work, then i was taken seriously ill and couldn’t do anything. not to worry though, i have now forced myself to sit down and start doing my uni work, i have had to realise that i can’t always stick to my usually strict study regime as sometimes ‘life just gets in the way’ that said i am not about to give up on my studies now. so here i am sat at the computor again, trying to work on my form 2 for the PhD, for those of you that don’t know what that is, it is basically the research proposal for my PhD, which i have yet to pull together as i still haven’t got it sraight in my head yet.

I must say that i have been having the most unfortunate run of bad luck this last month, without going into too much detail and boring everyone, over the last 4 weeks i have had 3 family emergencies that required my assistance, my own sudden illness that required a hospital visit and now numerous intrusive tests that will probably require a major operation. complete melt down of the laptop i use for all my uni work and like a fool i hadn’t backed up my most recent work, though luckily i was able to retrieve it before the laptop died forever (it is now in the hands of the insurance company), i also got done for speeding, naughty i know but per-lease 33mph  in a 30mph, that is pathetic but i have had to pay£85 and must go on a speed awareness course. on top of this i have a leak in my bathroom that requires a plumber, an electrical fault that requires the elctrician, and no money tree in the back garden to fund all this. as well as all that the wind blew my washing line completely down with the washing on it, my cooker as decided to fall to bits and because of my illness i am unable to start training for the job with stop hate.

On a more positive note, i am going on holiday very soon, and when i return all of the above problems are going to be solved and i can sit back with the knowledge that 2011 can’t get any worse, which means things can only get better.

Oh and i am now officially a non-smoker having recieved my certificate from the NHS after completing the course, yes there have been times when i really could have reached for a cigarette but i didn’t and i am no longer reliant on nicotine replacement, so for all of you out there that want to stop smoking i can recommend the NHS smoking cessation.

Oh well, this blog is seriously not helping me get some work done so i am going to sign out for today

although anyone out there who might want to join in on my random blogs or even discuss a research topic please feel free to comment or email me and i’ll get back to you

till next time – bye guys


Where is week 8? oops i’m off on one, lol

21 03 2011

Hi guys, did i miss something? have we come to the end of our 25 research things? i was enjoying the weekly distraction and learning more about so many useful tools on the web, i’m not ready to find a new monday routine!

however, i do have something new occuring today – i have an interview at STOP HATE UK, it is for a voluntary position, but i figure if i prove to be a assett to the organisation it could lead to paid employment.  it will also give me much needed experience, qualifications aren’t everything. It will give me an idea of the real issues faced by marginalised individuals and groups, rather than just reading the literature on such matters, and who knows it could give me some ideas for future research.

This morning i was discussing hate with an aquaintance and she said “some people are animals” i don’t agree, animals don’t discriminate, and animals that are violent are usually so due to the influence of man (woman). Some people just put themselves above others, we are meant to be a civilised society, accepting of human diversity, but we judge others for their differences, such as the colour of their skin, their religious beliefs, culture, sexuality, disabilities; what gives us the right to deem others as less worthy of things we take for granted? why is being white associated with superiority?

In my opinion ignorance is the basis for hate. i’m getting quite fuelled now as i process my feelings on the subject, i guess i should count my blessings that i am a white heterosexual female, with no visible disabilities, living in a working class community among similar people, nothing much about me that would initiate a hate campaign (unless of course you know me personally, lol). however, take me out of this setting and put me ‘somewhere i don’t belong’ where maybe being white is hated (can’t say as i blame oppressed individuals for hating white people) and then i could easily a victim of hate. we create communities of similar people, for example we have class structures; ethnic minorities and gays and lesbians build their own communities and tend to remain within the confines of that community, as if they must not wander into dissimilar communities.  we should question then why do we have these invisible boundaries? furthermore, just because we are not all alike (how boring would that be) should we be persecuted for our differences?

i could go on all day but i have just noticed the time and must set off for my interview, i must say that having my little rant as actually prepared me for the interview and i feel enlightened, you know what – blogging is good for ironing out my thoughts, i’m don’t feel the pressures of writing a paper when i’m blogging, i write freely straight off the top of my head as the thoughts swirl around my head – it is very refreshin.

i’ll let you all know how i get on, and if you have any thoughts of your own on my writings or anything really then leave a comment

OH by the way, now done 4 weeks of not smoking, haven’t even been wearing the patches, though i am still using the losenges, a couple of time i did think ‘oh i could kill for a cig right now’ but then i reminded myself that ‘hang on, i haven’t had a cig for however long, so why do i need one now?’ and the craving passes. went to cessation this morning and now i only need to go every fortnight, and next time i go i get a reward oooh i can’t wait na, i love getting rewarded lol

got to go, probably could talk all day now i’ve started (must be having a manic moment)

25 research things: week 6

8 03 2011

I didn’t do much of the research things yesterday, i did take a look at flickr and uploaded some pictures, but that’s about as far as i got. i had a look at all the other flijckr related items but didn’t play around with them, this will probably be something i go back to if i ever do a poster project.

you will all be pleased to know i have now done 2 weeks of no smoking and my carbon monoxide level is 1, i have even had a drink with friends for my birthday and still not smoked which i was dreading but i made myself proud. the next hurdle will be going out with the girls on saturday night, though i am confident that the cravings are gone. i must say my taste buds are enjoying all the new flavours i never knew things tasted so good lol

stopping smoking

21 02 2011

as if i don’t have enough stress, what with doing a PhD, but today i have been to smoking cessation and i am quitting smoking on Wednesday 23rd February, i have my patches and lozenges at the ready and intend to enjoy every last cigarette over the next 2 days, and seeing as i probably won’t be drinking until i am confident that i will not pick up a cigarette i might just have a little tipple this evening, to celebrate saying goodbye to my constant sore throat, shortness of breath and bad chest, not to mention the smell. though i did do well on the carbon monoxide test, only registering at 5 (2 is the norm). i will keep you updated as to my progress and if anyone else out there is stoppping we can support each other.